Archive for December, 2001
101 – Jurassic Park III
Posted by frothy in Jurassic Park III on December 15, 2001
Rememer Alan Grant (Sam Neill)? He was the world-famous skeptical paleontologist in the first Jurassic Park. “There are some things man wasn’t meant to tamper with,” he mumbles and he shuffles off the screen in JP1. And he wisely skipped out on the return trip to the island(s). Too dangerous for him, you see. So if he knew how yucky those mean old dinosaurs were in the first one – enough to stay home for the second one – can someone explain what in the name of Margaret Mead he’s doing in this movie?
Grant’s been hired by Paul (William H. Macy) and Amanda (Tea Leoni) Kirby, an adventuring couple (Paul says he’s climbed K2, among other things) to act as their guide as they fly over Isla Sorna – one of the two Jurassic Park islands – for their wedding anniversary. And of course they approach him just as he’s out of cash. Don’t these scientists know how to save money? Maybe a retirement account or something? A loan? Anything? Nope, he’s out of funding. Again. Maybe he’s blowing it all at the racetrack. Anyway, the Kirbys also explain that even though no one’s allowed to fly over the islands, they have special permission to fly low so they can see stuff.
But oops! Bam! Smack! They LAND the plane. Grant’s not happy, but he gets punched out amid the turbulence. He wakes up with them on the island, and wouldn’t ya know it, Amanda Kirby’s yelling her fool head off for some reason, thereby waking up these huge dinosaurs who stomp through the woods, squish some faceless people who we never got to know real well, and wreak some havoc. Everyone runs back to the plane, tries to take off, but the plane’s attacked, and they crash into a tree. And lo and behold, we learn the real reason the Kirbys and their small, semiautomatic-toting entourage are on the stinking island. No, I’m not gonna reveal it here, although it’s explained to Grant pretty quickly.
And then people spend most of the rest of the movie running away from dinosaurs, especially the raptors, who have learned speech of sorts. And of course the humans make every dumb decision they can think of. I mean, these people are idiots. I found myself yelling at the screen, rooting the dinos on. “Please,” I begged. “Eat someone, anyone!” Anyone would be cheering on the dinosaurs – they’re bigger, stronger, and smarter. Of course, we’re not talking about the world’s smartest humans here, either. Even Dr. Grant, the world-famous (cough) paleontologist, gets terminally dumb once he sets foot on the island (although he’s still the king of cool). I know I’m really harping on the low-IQ of these nimrods, but it looks like they all studied at the University of Idiocy and got their funding from www.duhhhh.com. They mouth some of the most unspeakably stupid dialog I’ve ever heard. The characters frequently ignore the advice of the only person in their party who’s seen the dinos.
Now, on the upside, there’s plenty of action. Like the first two movies, there’s nary a pause, which is good. The dinos have all evolved, in varying ways. You gotta feel for these folks. All that killing instinct coupled with tremendous size and strength – and now intelligence – gives the dinos a decided edge. The humans don’t have a prayer. You keep hoping they’ll stumble upon a baseball bat, or something. Anything to give these prehistoric puppies a smackdown.
Jurassic Park III is awful on many levels. If you’re watching the movie just to see the same astounding special efects from the first two movies, you’re in luck. In fact, they even replicate the music from both movies. I guess I can’t fault them too much for that, since it was wonderful music. And if you were watching this in the theater, you’d be suitably scared. But if you sit through this display of preening pomp and overbuttered treacle and find it an entertaining flick, more power to you.
Sheesh, even the ending’s a mind-numbingly bad. I understand it’s not supposed to be a surprise ending, but it was quite a letdown; pretty anticlimactic, given the setting. Even so, the characters still find the time and composure to make their usual dumb statements. In all, a loud waste of time.
Jurassic Park III: 3
100 – Ocean's Eleven
Posted by frothy in Ocean's Eleven on December 13, 2001
Thank goodness for popcorn movies. Okay, so this one doesn’t completely qualify, as at certain moments during the film the brain is encouraged to wake up and breathe a little, but it’s still an exciting escapist movie. The plot centers around a massive heist – three major casinos in Las Vegas, all robbed simultaneously.
The ringleader is Danny Ocean (George Clooney), recently sprung from the big house. He has an ulterior motive for robbery (well, other than the $150 million); seems his ex-wife Tess (Julia Roberts), who left him while he was in stir, is now with the owner of the three casinos, Harry Benedict (Andy Garcia), a suave, cool, egomaniac. He looks like he’s been patterned after Steve Wynn, who owned (still does, probably) many casinos in the desert and who was always at odds with his eastern rival, Donald Trump.
So Danny’s out, and he has a plan. Plans are always good. He first recruits old pal Dusty (Brad Pitt), who’s busy teaching poker to nincompoop Hollywood actors. Dusty and Danny get together the rest of the gang, sprawled all over the country, including the Malloy brothers (Scott Caan and Casey Affleck); Linus Caldwell (Matt Damon), a novice whose dad worked with Danny; Saul Bloom (Carl Reiner!); demolitionist Roscoe Means (Don Cheadle, sporting one heck of a cockney accent); Yen the acrobat (Shaobo Qin); Frank the blackjack dealer (Bernie Mac); and their financial backer, Ruben Tischkoff (Elliott Gould!).
It’s a game cast, and it looked like they all had a lot of fun making the movie. I was surprised to see old hands Reiner and Gould in this one, especially since so many Gen-X people are involved. Reiner’s character is a lot like that of Lawrence Tierney in Reservoir Dogs, except that Sol’s not in charge of anything (and, in fact, has to be coaxed out of retirement). And Gould looked to have put on about 70 pounds – whether that’s padding or he put it on for the movie, I’ll never know.
The rest of the cast did a fine job. The best performances were by Pitt, Damon, and Clooney. But Julia Roberts – well, she had no chemistry with the man she was with (Garcia), none with the man she had been with before (Clooney), and none with the camera. In fact, she looked terrible in closeup, as if someone had strapped her down and injected her lips with about 10,000 cc’s of collagen. I know she has full lips, but sheesh! Plus they were supercoated with this Mary Kay lipstick that only served to enhance the gaudy image.
This takes the basic plot of the original 1960 movie (starring the Rat Pack, with Sinatra in the lead) and reworks it a little. It’s more stylish, more elegant, more thrilling than the original, and how often can one say that?
But of course the real story’s the caper. They have to bust into the vault, get this money – and it’s in CASH, mind you – and walk out. No one’s ever come close. This is a movie where you definitely have no problem rooting for the good guys. It’s part robbery thriller, part Robin Hood, part Mission:Impossible. It’s well-written, although it’s not as multilayered a film as some of Steven Soderbergh’s other movies, such as Traffic, Out of Sight (with Clooney), Erin Brockovich (with Roberts), or even sex, lies, and videotape. But it really is a blast.
Ocean’s Eleven: 7.5
99 – America’s Sweethearts
Posted by frothy in America's Sweethearts on December 13, 2001
Melanie and Don. Julia and Brad or Benjamin or Lyle. Tom and Nicole. Hollywood’s seen a lot of couples come and go, and Gwen (Catherine Zeta-Jones) and Eddie (John Cusack) are no different than the rest – they, too, have broken up. Seems there’s trouble in super-moviestar-couple heaven. Gwen takes up with a Spaniard with a speech impediment (a hilarious Hank Azaria), and Eddie nearly kills them both by crashing his car into the quaint restaurant where they’re sharing a meal. He goes crazy, gets committed, and that’s that.
Except it’s not the end. Seems they have one film left to promote. They’ve been a long-running couple, but Gwen wants no part of Eddie. Eddie’s peeved at Gwen, too. And their agent Lee (a much-harried Billy Crystal) needs to get them together One Last Time to handle this press junket for the movie. Which, by the way, no one’s seen – the director, Hal Weidmann (Christopher Walken!), is reclusively editing the thing, not letting anyone near it. Weidmann has sent a few minutes of the movie to the studio – the credits. So you can see why everyone might be panicking. The press hasn’t seen the movie. They’ll need a diversion – Gwen and Eddie.
At Gwen’s side, as always, is her ugly-duckling sister Kiki (Julia Roberts). Kiki’s much put-upon, waiting on the prima donna Gwen hand and foot. It’s a huge role reversal for Roberts, who usually seems to get the glamorous look-at-me roles, and she comes through in absolute spades. She’s wonderful, funny, charming, self-effacing, and looks good when dressing down. In short, she’s a delight in this film.
The movie is witty and whimsical, and a lot of the credit goes to the performances by each actor. It’s nuanced, but not so layered that you forget it’s a fun-loving comedy. And each of the four leads (Roberts, Zeta-Jones, Crystal, Cusack) can carry a film on his or her own; it’s wonderful to see them acting as an ensemble. Hey, anyone can make an appearance in movie in which a lot of big-namers appear, but it’s not so easy for big stars to interact with each other from scene to scene. They mesh beautifully, and it’s a bonus that Zeta-Jones and Roberts look a little alike. It also helps that Gwen’s portayed as a spiteful, self-centered bully – gives the audience someone to root against!
Sure, the movie can be predictable, but why carp? The chemistry between Cusack and Zeta-Jones, Cusack and Roberts, Cusack and Crystal (hm, see a pattern?), and Crystal and everyone is perfect. This is one script I’d never need to rewrite.
America’s Sweethearts: 7
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