Archive for September, 2008

409 – Righteous Kill

After Robert De Niro and Al Pacino costarred in The Godfather, Part II – but didn’t share time onscreen – fans desperately wanted to see the two in another movie together. In 1995, the megastars appeared in Michael Mann’s Heat as tough guys on opposite sides of the law. But it wasn’t enough. We want more Decino, said the fans. Finally, thirteen years after Heat, we get both De Niro and Pacino on the same side of the law, as veteran NYPD cops up to their necks in corruption and murder.Rooster (Pacino) and Turk (De Niro) have been partners for a long, long time. Rooster is a little slicker, a little more PR-savvy, a little more in tune with what’s going on around him. Turk is more bombastic, blunt, salivating. They’re not quite like Bert and Ernie, more like Ratso Rizzo and Ratso Rizzo. At any rate, some time in the distant past the two of them conspired to frame a murderer-rapist who’d gotten off scot free, and now that particular action is coming back to haunt them. Seems there’s a serial killer on the loose in the big city, a fiend who leaves calling cards with rhymed couplets written on the back.

Trouble is, people soon start to assume that it’s a dirty cop behind all this killing. And it’s not innocent people being gunned down, either, it’s really bad people. Essentially, New York has another vigilante on its hands, although no one in this movie mentions the term.

Now, sometimes when a long-rumored on-screen pairing finally takes place, the results are sort of negligible. As in, okay, great, they’re both there, but their combined presence doesn’t add anything to the film. But here, the chemistry between the two – sort of a thespian Force – is iron strong, and the result is that you don’t just get two Stars doing their patented unhinged-cop acts, you get two masters of their craft who really believe in the script and who work hard at it without seeming to labor.

At times, the story feels a little tired and used, but the feeling quickly dissipates, mainly because writer Russell Gewirtz (Inside Man) throws in little hooks here and there to catch you off guard. Like how Turk’s paramour (Carla Gugino), who’s with Forensics, is really, really into the whole abuse game in and out of bed. And I don’t mean simple stuff like handcuffing her to a bedpost, either. Or how, for once, the lieutenant (Brian Dennehy) actually believes his cops when they tell him things, like Officer X might be corrupt. Things like that don’t often happen in cop movies. (The movie even recalls, to an extent, Pacino’s own long-ago foray into the minigenre, in 1973′s Serpico. Coincidentally, a guy named Terry Serpico has a bit part in the film.)

And God help me, but I didn’t see the magical twist coming. Really, I didn’t. Maybe I’m just slow on the uptake. I was committed to seeing the movie end along one track, but boom! Turns out all my assumptions were wrong, based on false premises. And for once, it’s not that the twist is unobvious because it’s, well, ridiculous. This one makes perfect sense in hindsight, so for me it’s an optimal thriller.

But the real draw here is the team-up of De Niro and Pacino. For once, neither actor settles into playing a cliched version of his earlier characters, since they’ve each played cops a multitude of times. They could easily have had Pacino as the wacko mercenary hiding behind the badge and De Niro as the wily, sick psychopath bent on destruction. That’s pretty much what I expected, but instead we get a return to Early Days Pacino and De Niro, with two perfectly nuanced performances in an otherwise fairly straightforward cop caper.

***

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Movies that ain’t on DVD right now, s’far as I know

In my My Movies section of IMDb, I’ve saved various movies I want to see. It’s a list I’ve been maintaining for eons, but since I hooked up with Netflix I’ve been moving titles from the former list onto the latter, provided the latter actually carries the title. There are 69 movies left on the IMDb list; these would be movies that NF doesn’t seem to carry.

Now, many of these haven’t ever been on DVD, I reckon, and some have been but aren’t available anymore. (For some reason, there ARE some movies that NF has in its database but doesn’t have available; those aren’t included on my IMDb list, though.)

As these movies become available, I move ‘em from one list to the other, assuming Netflix does indeed carry it. Which, usually, it does.

So. In alpha order, here are the movies I want to see on DVD. What are yours?

Arizona Dream (1993)
Between the Lines (1977)
The Big Fix (1978)
Blood & Donuts (1995)
The Brain (1962)
The Breaking Point (1950)
Buried Alive (1990)
The Caretaker (1963)
The Carrier (1988)
Contraband (1940)
A Day in the Death of Joe Egg (1972)
The Deadly Tower (1975)
The Devil and Miss Jones (1941)
The Devil’s Disciple (1959)
Diary of a Hitman (1991)
Dragons Forever (1988)
Edge of the City (1957)
Fillmore (1972)
The Friends of Eddie Coyle (1973)
Get Crazy (1983)
Goin’ Down the Road (1970)
The Great Man (1956)
Ground Zero (1987)
Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me (1993)
The Human Comedy (1943)
Impulse (1990)
Johnny Stecchino (1991)
Jonah Who Will Be 25 in the Year 2000 (1976)
The League of Gentlemen (1960)
The Legend of Hillbilly John (1974)
The Macomber Affair (1947)
The Magic Box (1951)
A Matter of Life and Death (1946)
A Merry War (1997)
The Mind of Mr. Soames (1970)
The Mortal Storm (1940)
Murder by Natural Causes (1979) (TV)
The Night My Number Came Up (1955)
The Night Walker (1964)
The October Man (1947)
One of Our Aircraft Is Missing (1942)
Open Season (1995)
The Pit and the Pendulum (1991)
The Raven (1963)
The Reckless Moment (1949)
Ride the Pink Horse (1947)
Rubin and Ed (1991)
Salvation!: Have You Said Your Prayers Today? (1987)
The Secret Policeman’s Other Ball (1982)
Shack Out on 101 (1955)
Skin Game (1971)
The Super Cops (1974)
Taking Off (1971)
These Three (1936)
They Won’t Believe Me (1947)
Three Strangers (1946)
To the Ends of the Earth (1948)
Tollbooth (1994)
Tropic of Cancer (1970)
Tuck Everlasting (1981)
Ulzana’s Raid (1972)
Unman, Wittering and Zigo (1971)
Wannseekonferenz, Die (1984) (TV)
The Way Ahead (1944)
Who’s Minding the Mint? (1967)
Wild River (1960)
Wild Rovers (1971)
Wise Blood (1979)
World War III (1982)

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The Ice Storm: frosty mugging sensation

A family of disaffected hedonists in 1973 Connecticut drifts among individual emotional and physical trysts, conquests, and disappointments in this depressing, and ultimately tragic period look at the American family in disarray. It’s oddly compelling, for the most part, but everyone’s so over-the-top with their insensitivity to everyone else’s misery that you find yourself inured to their suffering, and only the almost-expected tragedy at the end will lift you out of your own doldrums long enough for you to experience some empathy.

Ben Hood (Kevin Kline) is married to Elena (Joan Allen), and they have two kids: Paul (Tobey Maguire), 16, and Wendy (Christina Ricci), 14. But Ben’s having an affair with his neighbor, Janey (Sigourney Weaver), who’s married to jet-setting workaholic Jim (Jamey Sheridan). Janey and Jim have two kids, too: Mikey (Elijah Wood), 14, and Sandy (Adam Hann-Byrd), somewhat younger. No one’s particularly happy, despite being pretty wealthy and living in a safe, clean environment. Well, clean for 1973, anyway.

Anyway, there’s bed hopping among the adults, and the kids aren’t immune to the effect of hormones, either. This might make you cringe a bit, though, seeing as the kids are all teens. But like I said, this isn’t a movie about people happily running from bed to bed, dipping their wicks into all manner of wax with all matter of glee; no, it’s about people morosely oozing from bed to bed, guilty about cheating, guilty about not cheating. Or just being so precocious as to experiment with basically everyone who comes on by. Kind of hard to develop sympathy for a character when he or she is just a nihilistic slut-ho. But hey, that’s apparently what the freewheeling early 1970s were all about, kids!

On the plus side, everything looks pretty authentic, from the hair to the clothes to the gigantic (i.e., fat) cars. Not that we don’t have huge cars nowadays, too, but ours are, well, taller. These were wide, like the Ford Torino station wagon, or an Olds Eighty-Eight. Big cars for big minds.

Anyway, authenticity aside, it bugs me a bit that everyone’s so damn disagreeable. Elena knows about Ben’s infidelities, and one could almost sympathize with Ben if he wasn’t such a smug know-it-all. And maybe we could sympathize with Janey, except she’s a ruthless, distant, obnoxious rhymes-with-witch, at least as played by Weaver, which is to say flatly and one-dimensionally. Okay, so maybe I don’t like Weaver, but couldn’t she at least try to be interesting sometimes, and not rely on looking peevish all the time? Give me a reason to care about your loveless marriage and your whacked-out kids, and maybe I’d be on your side, but here your character is just awful, and your one-note performance doesn’t help.

By contrast, Allen is fantastic, showing layers of her character that Weaver doesn’t. You can see the her complicated life playing out in her mind – stay with Jim, cheat with someone else, do both, who knows? The point is, you kind of root for her, no matter what her decision is, and it’s all thanks to Allen’s evocative performance.

And I haven’t even mention the kids’ transgressions. We were all sort of curious at that age, I’m sure, but it’ll make you squeamish to see how immoral the kids here are, or pretend to be. Oddly enough, though, it sort of feels realistic, even if it’s not a shared experience. The young actors and actresses here do a pretty good job. (Although I’m not sure, having seen the movie, what the heck was up with Wood’s character, who seemed perpetually out of it, a trait not unnoticed by other characters but never explained.)

All in all, it’s not bad, but it’s relentlessly downbeat, with acts of desperation raining on the protagonists much like the ice in the titular weather phenomenom. The ice does play an important role, of course; it signifies hearts freezing over at the mere mention of politeness and consideration and, well, happiness.

***

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Paul Newman dies

Paul Newman has died of cancer at age 83, according to CNN.

The man contributed so many classic movies to American culture that it’s a tad unlikely people aren’t familiar with his work. From his beginnings in the late 1950s through the apex of his pop-culture stardom in the 1960s to the gradual move into “seasoned” character roles in the 1980s and beyond – and even impressing a new generation with 2006′s animated Cars, Newman was one of the very finest actors in American history. Even so, the man was nominated nine times for acting Oscars and came away for just one win, 1986′s The Color of Money. (Note: it’s green.)

Here are the top Paul Newman films you just gotta see, if you know what’s good for you, in ascending chronological order.

1. The Hustler (1961). Newman was still green and hungry in Hollywood, and it shows in this pool-hall movie about Fast Eddie Felson (Newman) and the legendary Minnesota Fats (Jackie Gleason). Newman in the sixties was virile, sly, cunning, and self-deprecating, and here his vulnerability combined with his outward machismo made for a sizzling drama. He was nominated for Best Actor but lost to Maximilliam Schell (Judgment at Nuremberg). Trivia fact: Newman and Gleason performed almost all of their pool shots themselves.

2. Sweet Bird of Youth (1962). Another Tennessee Williams adaptation (Newman was also in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof), Newman here plays Chance Wayne, a ne’er-do-well who returns to his Florida hometown with a faded actress (Patricia Neal) in tow, in an effort to show his old cronies that he made something of himself – even though he failed in Hollywood. The entire cast is great, but it’s the lean performance by Newman that sells the movie.

3. Hud (1963). A western this time; Newman’s the titular cowboy, who’s not only a ne’er-do-well but also a reckless youth. He rebels against his baronic father, played by Melvyn Douglas, and fools around with an older woman, played by Patricia Neal. Newman earned a nomination for this one, too.

4. Cool Hand Luke (1967). This prison movie is another Newman-against-The-Man movie, with The Man played by warden Strother Martin. This is the movie with the famous line, “what we have here is a failure to communicate.” In this movie, George Kennedy gets Newman to enter a boiled-egg-eating contest. Guess who wins. Newman earned his fourth nomination here.

5. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969). Now it’s not just Newman, it’s a Newman-Redford movie, as the stars play the famed outlaws. Here, we see that Newman’s not just good as the star of a movie, he’s good in a buddy picture, where he has to share time with an equal-stature actor. Not all actors can do that. This is the movie that gave us B.J. Thomas’ “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head,” albeit somewhat incongruously. Neither Newman nor Redford was nominated, though the picture was nominated seven times.

6. The Sting (1973). Newman and Redford reteam, this time as con artists in what turns out to be only the most awesomest con until Danny Ocean’s team came along in the Ocean’s Eleven remake. All to take down Robert Shaw! Redford was nominated; Newman wasn’t. Newman brings his usual wiseass charisma to the role.

7. The Towering Inferno (1974). Newman moved to disaster films here, as was vogue at the time. But he shared the screen with another legend, Steve McQueen. Neat trivia – according to their contracts, the two stars each received top billing, depending on how you looked at the credits, a tactic known as “diagonal billing.” I avoided watching this movie for a long time after the September 11, 2001 attacks, but ultimately it wasn’t as traumatic as I’d anticipated. It’s a great diaster movie.

8. Slap Shot (1977). Newman is the aging player-coach of a minor-league hockey team that’s about to be moved to somewhere in deepest, darkest Florida. The movie’s profane, lewd, and incredibly awesome. Newman is well suited to the role, which you might not expect from an old-school actor. Absolutely hilarious; a must-see for sports fans.

9. The Verdict (1982). Newman now segues into more-staid courtroom dramas; here, he’s a boozy attorney trying for some redemption in a medical-malpractice suit. If you like courtroom dramas in general, you’d love this one. Jack Warden is a standout as Newman’s advance man. Newman received his sixth acting nomination here.

10. The Color of Money (1986). Finally, Newman wins an Oscar, reprising his role as Fast Eddie Felson in this sequel to The Hustler. Here, Felson is mentoring an up-and-coming pool junkie, played by Tom Cruise as only Tom Cruise can play him – cocky, arrogant, knowing more than Paul Newman, etc. It’s an okay movie, but Newman is fantastic.

11. Nobody’s Fool (1994). Newman is another ne’er-do-well, but here he’s an aged one, and that’s generally the more-pathetic variety. He’s screwed everything up in his life and has a prickly personality to boot, but he loves getting under the skin of his grown-up son (Bruce Willis). Oh, and hitting on Melanie Griffith, who goes topless back when she had a reason to do so. Newman received his eighth nomination here.

12. Road to Perdition (2002). I wasn’t a fan of this Depression-era gangster film, in which Newman is an Irish mobster, but many others were. Also stars Tom Hanks, Jude Law, and even a young Daniel Craig. Newman received his ninth and final acting nomination.

13. Cars (2006). The intended audience of Cars probably never heard of Newman, and their parents knew of him as that old-time actor, but Newman was – pardon the pun – running on all cylinders as the crusty Doc Hudson, the patriarch car of the tiny town of Radiator Springs who teaches Owen Wilson a thing or two about selflessness.

How many of these have you seen? Are there any other Newman movies that warrant mention?

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408 – September Dawn

Based (loosely?) on a true story of a 19th-century clash between Mormons and Christians in Utah, September Dawn is graphically violent, daring you to find something of value within the bloodletting. In the end, you don’t care much about the renegade Mormons who attack the Christians, and you don’t care much about the too-pure-for words Christians, either. Against this backdrop is the requisite made-up romance between young folks from either tribe, which here feels more than a little artificial and contrived.

Jon Voight plays the Mormons’ sheriff, bishop, and lord of all that is righteous. He and his followers are mad because their religion’s leader, Joseph Smith, was killed by an Arkansas mob suspicious of his many-wives-having lifestyle. So when a group of Christian pilgrims, traveling west to California to supply horses for gambling purposes, passes through his rural town, he’s not exactly glad to see them. He has his sons keep an eye on the settlers, who need a place to rest themselves and their horses. Soon Voight’s riled up the townspeople that it’s God’s will that they attack the Christians.

There’s a lot of hellraising and damnation in this movie. Fire-and-brimstone stuff, is what I’m saying. The Mormons in this movie are basically sheep, except for Samuelson’s (Voight) kid Jonathan, who is not in tune with the ways of his father. He likes to think for himself, you see, and it’s not long before he’s caught the eye of the lovely Emily, the daughter of the Christians’ pastor. The star-cross’d lovers, obviously, wind up at the heart of the conflict between the two religious parties.

Everyone, though, regardless of the Big Man to whom they pray, is pretty self-righteous. How could they not be, when it’s a story about religious extremism? Well, everyone, of course, except for the star-cross’d lovers. It’s always the youngsters who don’t completely buy in to the value systems of their fathers. (It’s also worth noting that neither Emily’s nor Jonathan’s mother is still alive; both are now being raised by single papas.) Reminds me of Footloose, really, when whatshername’s dad, played by John Lithgow, was all about the righteous anger and was really put out by the antics of the city boy played by Kevin Bacon.

With all this self-righteous behavior comes an even surlier companion: the demonization of Other People. But here it’s the Mormons and the Mormons alone who are intolerant. They presume that these Christians are the ones who killed their sainted Smith. They presume that all Christians are murderers in their hearts, anyway. They dislike the fact that they’re herding horses to be used for the somewhat immoral purpose of gambling. They’re also annoyed that one of the Christians is a single female who wears pants, not a dress, and who carries weapons. Blasphemy! So of course they must all die.

And when I say the Mormons here want to kill their Christian visitors, I mean they want a wholesale slaughter. Women and children, too. Samuelson gets them all frothing at the mouth, then he gets the local Indian tribe to attack the interlopers. When the Christians come to the Mormons for help, they walk into a second, even larger ambush, and hardly anyone’s spared.

Sometimes conflicts like this play out pretty well on the big screen. It’s a timeless theme, after all, that of religious intolerance. But here, what was lacking were compelling side stories and characterizations. Everyone’s pretty one dimensional – either delusional or self-absorbed, perhaps both – and no one gives you much to care about. Enter the somewhat forced romance between Emily and Jonathan. Can it end happily? It’s not likely, given that there’s a wholescale slaughter. They spend half the movie making moon eyes at each other and professing love, but I’ll grant them half a pass on it, since we’re talking about the ancient 19th century, and they couldn’t help but be chaste, anyway. But just half a pass, because they bored me.

The one character who could have sparked some interest is barely in the movie – she’s played by Lolita Davidovich – for unknown reasons. I suspect she was in the movie only to give the Mormons something else to whine about. “Why, tarnation! The woman’s in pants! String her up!” Davidovich was fantastic in the five minutes or so she was on screen. Imagine how much better the movie would have been if her Nancy Dunlap had been the one to fall for a Mormon boy/man?

If you can stick it out to the end, the carnage isn’t for weak stomachs. It’s not so much an overabundance of blood that’ll get you, it’s the sick, exploitative nature of the beast. Women are shot from behind. Kids are stabbed. The extremely vulnerable are hunted down like chipmunks. It’s a little gut wrenching, to say the least, and it makes one wonder what the overall point was supposed to be. That Mormons are bad and Christians are good? That something evil took place on those Utah plains? The banality of evil? I dunno.

**

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Ok. Dame Judi.

Dame Judi Dench is your Best Best Supporting Actress.

According to the ten of you who voted.

That is all.

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Whatever happened to Roger Rabbit?

When Who Framed Roger Rabbit? came out in 1988, the idea of melding live-action and animation in a feature hadn’t really taken off; most of the time, it just plain looked obvious. RR changed all that. When you saw Bob Hoskins jumping around in a scene, being chased by angry weasels, you were convinced they were all in the same room and that this was really happening.

With Hollywood’s predilection toward endless sequel making, it’s somewhat of a mystery as to why there was never a RR 2. It seemed ripe for one, after all: It made a lot of money, it appealed to kids and adults. So what went wrong?

A lot of things, turns out, some of them having to do with the high-powered political machinations of one Mister Steven Spielberg. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s a great article about the near-making of the sequel to Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

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Zack and Miri Make a Porno TRAILER (red band, NSFW)

You can find it here.

Seth Rogen and Kevin Smith teaming up? What could go wrong? The trailer looks outstanding. I am so there.

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407 – Hamlet 2

Everyone dies at the end of Shakespeare’s classic tragedy, but it’s okay – drama teacher Dana Marschz (Steve Coogan) has a device, his own deus ex machina: a time machine! Yes, Hamlet is able to use the time machine to go into the past and stop Queen Gertrude and Ophelia from dying painful deaths. Oh! And he gets a little help from another father-conflicted man: Jesus!

Marschz is down on his luck. His marriage to Brie (an acerbic Catherine Keener) isn’t doing well, and the high school at which he teaches, slavishly, is dumping the arts programs from its curriculum in cost-cutting moves. His school productions have traditionally stunk rather badly, and he’s constantly ravaged in the press – that is, the student newspaper. After a particularly scathing (but accurate) review, Marschz knuckles under and doubles down and decides to write his own original play, rather than taking successful movies and adapting them poorly for the stage.

The result is Hamlet 2, wherein Hamlet, Jesus Christ, the president of the United States, Satan, Hillary Clinton, and other cultural icons appear. There’s profanity, there’s nudity, there’s depravity, there’s disrespect. Why, in short, it’s a blockbuster Hollywood movie. But no, this is meant for the wee minds of the parents and other citizens of Tuscon, Arizona. If that sounds demented and disturbing, well, it is. Marschz’s idea is to throw everything into this play that he can think of, because the school’s cancelling his drama program anyway, so what’s he got to lose?

Turns out, not much. As word of mouth builds about the play, half the town wants to crucify (ha! and they use that joke, too) Marschz, and the other half is intrigued. Soon, his case is taken up by the ACLU, in the person of Cricket Feldstein (Amy Poehler), who’s more overbearing and braying than useful and funny. The movie would have been just as good, perhaps better, had that character not existed.

There are plenty of references early on to other unique-teacher movies, such as Dangerous Minds and Mr. Holland’s Opus. But Marschz isn’t the inspiring-teacher type, really; he’s a complete screwup who can’t write. The kids aren’t suddenly awesome thespians, although it seems most of them can carry a tune very well. But the focus, for the first two-thirds of the movie, isn’t on the play, anyway; it’s on Marschz and how he deals with all of the obstacles life is throwing at him. The upside of that role is that a talented comedic actor would have a field day with it, as it would permit one to be wacky and unhinged, much like a younger Robin Williams. But Coogan’s not that guy. He seems a bit miscast, and even though many of the jokes fall flat, he makes ‘em worse by being just plain terrible. He’s just not funny.

On the plus side, Elisabeth Shue plays herself. Well, herself if she had retired from making movies to be a nurse in Arizona. She doesn’t have a lot of scenes, but she sparkles in them, and she works well with Coogan (good chemistry, that is), so her presence is very good. Plus I always get a kick out of people playing themselves in movies that aren’t biographies, you know? It’s just a level of self-awareness you don’t normally get from Actors.

The bottom line, though, is that the movie would be an abysmal failure, devoid of laughs and, well, interest, if it weren’t for the requisite performance at the ending. Even though you know it’s coming – hey, the entire movie’s been building up to it – the result is so wonderful, so perfectly apt, and so outstanding in every way that it makes up for the previous hour or so of kvetching and overacting. See, unless these denouements operate on all cylinders, an entire movie will collapse. For a good comparison, check out 1991′s Hear My Song, starring (somewhat implausibly) Ned Beatty as a reclusive tenor. If his performance in the final scene isn’t a four-star knockout show, there IS no movie, and it’s the same here. For most of the movie, I was a little bored, running into the occasional bout of amusement, perhaps a chuckle here and there, but the actual performance of the play was incredible.

**1/2

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Rush Hour 3: At least twice as funny as Rush Hour 2

Good news! Rush Hour 3 isn’t nearly as pointless and dimwitted as Rush Hour 2! And that, my friends, is called damning with faint praise. And trust me, the praise will be faint indeed.

In RH 1, they were in LA! In RH 2, they were in Hong Kong. Now, running out of plausible locales, the misfit duo of Carter (Chris Tucker) and Lee (Jackie Chan) find themselves in Paris. Why Paris? Because it’s pretty and has great scenery, so a chase scene through its streets will look marvy. Oh, and something about a big important conference is taking place there.

After Chinese Ambassador Han is attacked, Carter and Lee must again confront the legendrarily elusive Triads and protect a French woman who has knowledge about the Triads’ leaders. Oh, and the ambassador’s hot daughter’s been kidnapped, too, although she’s now a grown woman. (Little pun there.)

The movie works in part because Tucker isn’t allowed to be nearly as obnoxious and unwatchable as he was in the second movie; he’s reigned in just enough. Oh, don’t get me wrong, he’s still needlessly crass, but it seems he talks less often. Flapping those gums only leads to madness, I tell you. But this time, there’s much more emphasis on action: chase scenes, hand-to-hand combat, and so on. Me likey the fighty. Me no likey the talky, especially when it’s Mr. Nails on a Chalkboard himself.

Another debit is the movie’s predictability. Really, if you can’t figure out who the stealth bad guy is – that’d be the guy who you’re supposed to think is good but then turns out to be bad – right near the beginning of the movie, well. You should watch more (and better) movies, that’s all I’m saying.

Helpful, though, is the supporting cast. Max von Sydow as a French minister? (I guess they figure he can play any “ethnic” role.) Yvan Attal as the bestest sidekick ever, George? Noémie Lenoir as the French chanteuse? All awesome. They help inch this puppy up to, say, tolerable. Rather than dreckish.

**1/2

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Rush Hour 2 is a good reason to speed up

From the people who brought you Rush Hour comes a dull-witted action comedy that’ll have you rushing for the exits! That was my homage to Don LaFontaine, the renowned “Movie Trailer Guy” who passed away this past week at age 68.

Even LaFontaine would have had trouble spinning this sequel positively. Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan return as Carter and Lee, two mismatched cops on some kind of mission to prevent a Chinese mobster from doing something wrong that could have huge repercussions. Sorry to be so vague there, but the movie’s plot isn’t exactly memorable. Or necessary.

The first time around, the mismatchedness was sort of charming: the brash, streetwise Carter and the reticent, intelligent Lee. It was your basic fish-out-of-water story, with Lee coming to America in pursuit of an evildoer. And part of that occasional charm was the whole East-meets-West thing. So in the sequel, they can’t just have Lee return to America, can they? No, so they contrive to have Carter in China. He’s supposedly on vacation, and the forced circumstance is that Lee, while playing tour guide for Carter, is working on a case involving the terrorist who supposedly killed his dad. (Lee’s, not the terrorist’s.) But then Carter gets involved and the contrivance is blown out of the water.

Chan looks positively befuddled as to why he’s in this mess. You won’t find many actors as likeable on the big screen as Jackie Chan, but one of his faults is that he doesn’t seem able to say no to even rehashed slop like this. Inspector Lee is smart, inquisitive, stealthy,  and clever; by contrast, Carter is the stereotypical loud, dumb American, a man whose mouth never, ever stops running. If you’ve seen one Chris Tucker movie, you’ve likely seen all of them, because he always plays the loud, dumb jerk who never once stops to contemplate his actions or have even an ounce of self-awareness. Plus, his voice grates; every syllable sounds like a jet engine about to take off.

If this were an equation, you’d be looking for the intergral, that’s how derivative it is. (Math joke.) Seriously, it’s like every buddy-cop, mismatched-partners, culture-clash movie you’ve ever seen. Here’s a fun moment, and yes I’m being sarcastic: Tucker actually tries to roust/shake down a Hong Kong nightclub, a la Eddie Murphy in 48 Hrs. Tucker’s no Murphy, though; he’s barely Danny Glover. He’s barely Urkel.

*1/2

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